th_unicorns-51You know I dont even know how all this is coming across to any of you — I know that for me it wasnt hard any of it — well not after I got use to it — I think I will try to tell you a little of what was going on when all this started with me — before I knew to much of any thing I knew I had a friend that would help me and teach me — at the time I was in need of such a friend — I had not started any schooling yet so I suppose I was pretty young — I recieved alot of understandings of things that I thought was just so — that knowing and understanding got me through alot of things that otherwise I dont think I could have lived through — as I got older the understanding was there but some how my friend got more distant from me — after awhile I had very little memory of him–but things would always happen — odd and strange things that I didnt really tell to many people about — I found that I couldnt really tell anyone the things I experienced — or saw or even knew — I didnt seem to fit any where either — so I just had a wonderful time alone — I tell you the things I got to experience and see and know and feel were amazing — I was never sure of the why,who,what of any of it — then I began to get in coming — I mean everybody duck — in coming — and I wasnt able to make heads or tails of any of it but it didnt stop or slow down — so I had to try to work it all out — well to make a long story short — I did — after we got it going — between god and me — I had to follow instruction — it has never mattered how dumb I have to look and I always do — thats another story — I always know when I am suppose to do a certain thing — I never really even know till it is happening — this makes life very interesting let me tell you — I have called him every name in the book — I have quit so many times it makes my head spin — I guess the hardest thing was getting the stuff coming in — to be something I could put words on — it was actually rediculous at times — I mean I wasnt getting it and he was doing some really bizzare stuff — hell some times I had to just bust out laughing cause of the shit we were doing — no one would have understood what the hell was going on — there were times I would look like a friggin idiot cause the jerk would leave off if someone showed up — any way thats kind of how things have been going as long as I can remember — I do have a job to do — I know that no one else can do it — I do know that every thing will be fine — it always is — and I will probably look silly most of the time while Im doing it — but thats the way it always seems to go — so I just wanted to tell you that — before I go to much farther — I have some things that I have been seeing coming in — but its not totally in yet — but I just wanted to tell you some times I get jumbled inside — and things will come out that way — not always — there are times when it is like a well oiled machine — then there are times I am running on empty with flat tires my lights dont work an its raining and my wipers dont wipe — I dont worry though because I am very well backed by some pretty big guns and I dont mean weapons — I actually cant screw anything up which is great Im thinking — not only that I have a loop I call it — inside my head I guess you would say — that way when I miss something I can put it on the loop and it gets back around sooner or later — its great for me because alot of this stuff is fast — when Im just seeing one — another one goes zooming by — I dont know about anyone else but I would of thought all this would have been alot better planned out — you know — well there you have it — I feel alot better now about all this — I hope I did what I was thinking I was doing — or else I just wasted a whole lot of time for nothing — I will try harder I dont think that works but I will try — thank you so much for your time and understanding — we get to do more training today — just wait till we tell you about that —
thanks again

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