BEFORE I GET TO THE NEW YEAR STUFF


I HAVE GET THIS OUT — IM NOT EXACTLY SEEING IT LIKE THE BLOG STUFF I USAULLY SEE — OR ITS NOT COMING IN THE SAME I DONT KNOW BUT HERE WE GO — OK I THINK IM GOING THUR SOME STUFF THAT HAS ME WORKING REAL HARD TO SEE WHAT IT IS EVEN WHEN IM LOOKING RIGHT AT IT IT WANTS TO WIGGLE AN SHIFT — SO THE BEST I CAN DO HERE IS SAY SOME STUFF THATS WITH IT — I THINK STUFF IS GETTING JUMBLED TOGETHER REGUARDLESS I HAVE TO GET THIS OUT NOW THIS WAY CAUSE ITS BLOCKING SOME OTHER STUFF — OK MY SON IS COMING TO VISIT IN ABOUT A WEEK — OK I KNOW MY BOYS LOVE ME — BEING THEIR MOTHER AND ALL WHICH IS GREAT — AN IM TRYING NOT TO BE A BOTHER OR A PROBLEM — BUT IM SURE MY BOYS MY PARENTS DONT SEE ME IN A VERY GOOD LIGHT — NOT THAT THEY DONT TRY AN GIVE ME MORE THAN THEY CAN FIND TO GIVE ME BUT I BELIEVE IN THIER EYES I AM BY MEASURE NOT OF MUCH WORTH — AND A BIT OF AN EMBRASSMENT — AND IN NEED OF ALOT OF DRUGS AND DOCTORS CARE FOR MY CONDITION — NOW SOME HOW IM NOT KNOWING WHY THIS IS LIKE THIS BUT I CAN LIVE WITH IT — CAUSE AS FAR AS I CAN TELL THE REALITY FOR ME ON FAMILY LEVEL IS THAT I AM A COMPLETE AND TOTAL FAILURE OF LIFE — WITH HIM COMING PRETTY SOON IM KIND OF LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO HIDE IN SO I WONT BE SEEN BUT I REALLY DO WANT TO SEE HIM — I DO THIS WITH ALOT OF PEOPLE — ITS EASIER THAN ANYTHING ELSE — IT SEEMS BETTER FOR THEM TO NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME — NOW IM BETTING SOME OF YOU DIDNT KNOW THIS ABOUT ME — AND ITS NOT STUFF I LIKE  OTHER PEOPLE TO BE AWARE OF — BUT FOR SOME REASON HERE IT IS IN BLACK AND WHITE — BASICALLY MY SON TOLD ME WITH CONCERN FOR HIS FAMILY — THAT NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AND NONE OF WHAT I SAY OR DO MAKES ANY SENSE AND ITS ALL BASICALLY DRIBBLE AND I AM EMBARRESING MYSELF AND MY FAMILY BY BEING THE WAY I AM AND DOING AND SAYING THE THINGS I DO AND SAY — AND I HAVE NO RIGHT TO PUT HIS CHILDREN OR HIM THROUGH ALL MY LAYERS OF BULLSHIT — SO HE WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF I WOULD NOT BE ANYWHERE NEAR HIM OR HIS KIDS OR IN LAWS UNTIL I CAN BEHAVE LIKE A DECENT PERSON AND BE NORMAL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE — ALSO I BELIEVE HE SEES ME  NOT ONLY AS THAT BUT I AM ALSO A LOW LIFE EVIL SCUM DRUG ADDICT THAT HE ALSO DOESN’T WANT ANY WHERE AROUND HIM AN AGAIN HIS — NOW TO BE FAIR I HAVE TO SAY HES NOT WRONG OR MEAN BY DEALING WITH ME THIS WAY BECAUSE HE IS MOSTLY AND FIRSTLY PROTECTING HIS CHILDREN FROM WHAT HE SEES AS A THREAT — AND HE IS IRRITATED BY  MY INABILITY TO JUST STOP BEING A FUCK UP — AND HIS HURT IN DOING WHAT HE HAS TO DO BECAUSE HE LOVES ME IM HIS MOTHER — NOW I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO DEAL WITH THIS FOR YEARS NOW BUT WITH MY SON I HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW HIM I GET NO REPORT CARD NO PAY CHECK NO TROPHEYS NO MEDALS I HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR BASICALLY ANYTHING I HAVE EVER DONE NOT EVEN RAISING THEM — HE DOESNT EVEN WANT TO READ ANYTHING IVE WRITTEN BECAUSE IVE BEEN TRYING TO ON THE INTERNET FOR AT LEAST TEN YEARS NOW TO DO MY JOB OF COMMUNICATING VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION TO PEOPLE FROM DUDE AND I BELIEVE LAST COUNT TOTAL VIEWS OF WHAT IVE BEEN DOING FOR TEN YEARS IS 3800 TOTAL CURIOUS PEOPLE SOME OF WHOM THEM SELVES AFTER READING WHAT I WROTE WANTED TO KNOW IF I WAS COMPLETELY INSANE AND IF I WAS DANGEROUS — SO IF YOU LOOK AT THE WORK IVE BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR DUDE AND YOU ALL FOR TEN YEARS KIND OF LOOKS LIKE IVE FAILED THERE ALSO — ON ANY OTHER DAY I WOULD BE ON THIS BUT TODAY I AM NOT — SO BEFORE I TRY TO GO TO THE NEXT YEAR I HAVE TO SEE IF IVE GOTTEN THAT FAR YET — AT THIS MOMENT IM GOING TO HAVE TO SAY I TOTALLY KNOW ALL THE STUFF I UNDERSTAND IT INSIDE OUT AND UPSIDE DOWN YOU COULD TAKE ME AN DUDE TO COURT TO PROVE ANY OF IT AND I COULD WIN AND PROVE WHAT EVER — IT SALL WORKS AND ITS ALL BEYOND WONDERFUL SO IM KINDA THINKING WHERE IM FUCKING IT UP —   AND THERE YOU HAVE IT

THANK YOU

PIXIE AND DUDE

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